How To Raise A Jewish Dog

ebook / ISBN-13: 9781780227375

Price: £8.99

ON SALE: 13th February 2014

Genre: Lifestyle, Sport & Leisure / Humour

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You don’t have to own a dog and you don’t have to be Jewish… A humour title about using guilt, shame and passive aggression to raise your dog that will have you barking with laughter.

A ‘Not Missing Yet’ sign informs neighbours that dog is not missing. Some trainers call this precaution unnecessary. We say: It couldn’t hurt.

Finally! The dog training techniques and tips developed by the renowned Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary are available in book form. Look out, monks. Step aside, whisperer. Rabbi Monica and Rabbi Alan show, step by step, how you can use guilt, shame, passive aggression, sarcasm and Conditional Unconditional Love to create an unbreakable bond with your dog. It’s all here, including:

– The five ways of commanding ‘Sit!’ (‘What, would it kill you to sit down for one lousy second?’)
– A useful list of Advanced Commands (‘Don’t stare at Cousin Edith’s hair when she comes over.’)
– How to use Situational Martyrdom when the dog disobeys (‘Fine. Do what you want. I hope you have a nice life.’)

The rabbis have been training dogs – and their owners – for 20 years. Now they bring the fruits of their vast experience to dog owners everywhere. And the best part? You don’t have to be Jewish to benefit from the programme. Just neurotic. Or crazy about your dog.

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Neither you nor your dog actually have to be Jewish to enjoy this ludicrous but extremely funny spoof pooch manual filled with dire jokes that would make even Woody Allen cringe. From how to find a vet who will be sufficiently responsive to your Jewish dog's high emotional neediness to buying it muffins at the airport to disguise the tranquilisers you're going to give it for travelling, it made me shake with laughter again and again; not to mention the cover.
How to Raise a Jewish Dog is essentially one long joke: bit it's a very funny one! at only 162 pages it doesn't outstay its welcome. The prose is well-written with a great sense of comic timing, which is why it comes recommended. Just remember: if you read it on public transport you're likely to attract attention with your chuckling.
A dog is not just for Chanucah. So those of you who have recently acquired a pooch will be happy to know that this is now a training manual.