‘The world is not neatly divided into two camps of women, those who wanted to reproduce and did, and those who didn’t want to, and didn’t. So many of us are caught here, in between, neither one thing nor the other, drifting towards a receding horizon, in our own camp . . .’

When Miranda Ward and her husband decided to have a baby, they were optimistic. There was no reason not to be: they were both young, they were both healthy. But five years, three miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy later, Ward finds herself still dealing with the ongoing aftermath of that decision: the waiting, the doubting, the despairing, the hoping.

ADRIFT is a memoir about the unique place of almost-motherhood. Some people pass through it without even noticing; others languish there, held safe, held prisoner, by the walls of not-knowing – for as long as there is still a question mark, an open ending, there is a chance of escape.

Inspired by her childhood on the California coast, Ward turns to the water, seeking solace in a landscape of a different kind – the swimming pool. Hoping to make sense of the uncertainty, she begins to ask questions of geography on the most intimate scale. How do we learn to feel at home in our own bodies, even when they disobey? How can we find our way, even when we feel adrift? What language do we have for the spaces in between? Charting a journey through territory at once deeply personal and widely shared, Ward offers a searing, lyrical and radically honest narrative of fertility and motherhood that is less often told.

Reviews

ADRIFT is, quite simply, the best book on its subject I have ever read. Miranda's thoughtful, sharp, insightful, funny, brave, honest and often painful writing on fertility has given form and life and language to something fundamental and universal. I wish I'd had it years ago. I'm so glad to have it now. The clever use of structure, the humour, the feather light touch of her narrative voice; it is the sort of book that makes you wish you were a better writer. I have no doubt it is going to help a lot of people and touch many more
NELL FRIZZELL
Miranda Ward captures the visceral hopelessness of infertility, and an ambiguous but mostly-unspoken space that many women unwillingly occupy forever. She never flinches from the pain, and because of this her tender book will be precious to many readers
JEAN HANNAH EDELSTEIN
Finally, the important and interesting subject of almost-motherhood is given due attention. ADRIFT is a crucial, precious book by a writer with a wide-ranging intellect, beautiful prose and an astute and refreshingly honest voice. I was hooked by it, and fascinated by the layers she weaves as she moves the topics of fertility and pregnancy loss into the light. ADRIFT will be a balm and a relief for many women, longing for a book that takes such a major and common life experience seriously and gives it the thought and care it deserves
LUCY JONES
It's long past time we stopped tip-toeing around the subject of miscarriage and started to acknowledge the difficult space between pregnant and not and all the emotions that live there. (Contrary to common belief, you can in fact be a little bit pregnant). Miranda Ward gets the conversation started in this thoughtful, beautifully-written, devastating exploration of the will to reproduce and the wildness of the body. This is a vastly important and necessary book
LAUREN ELKIN
I was both captivated by Miranda Ward's story and impressed by her attention, perspective and understatement. Her experience of "almost motherhood" is told with truth and clarity in a way that will be a comfort to some and a revelation to others
AMY LIPTROT
Miranda Ward is a truly incredible writer and one who carefully and beautifully reflects on "almost motherhood". It's a space that so many of us experience but so often we don't have the language to communicate just where that is
Francesca Brown, STYLIST
Adrift states, repeatedly, how often we lack the language for such events, but Ward conveys with exquisite precision how the physical and spiritual connect, probing the intimacies of her own body with fiery experience... Let us continue the conversation, however hard; a conversation that Adrift will, surely, be a vital part of for many years to come.
Marianne Levy, I NEWSPAPER